it's a wrap!

well everyone, 2006 is about to be behind us. it seems like it just started. i had been feeling like i had nothing much to show for this year, but that's actually not true at all. this year i changed my job (for the better), made a bunch of new friends, changed my hair (for the better), grew in my relationship with God, grew closer with people i care about, overcame an eating disorder, tried a new ministry position and found out who i really am (and some of what i was made to do) somewhere in the midst of all that. the world may not think much of where i am now, but God does, and that's all that matters. and while this year ended kinda rough (for that i'm blaming a lame new years eve last year, i think i jinxed myself) i can say that it was actually a pretty fabulous year because my life is pretty fabulous, despite the fact that it's far from what i would consider perfect. i may be broke and working in data entry, but God has His hand on my life, i have the most awesome friends and i get to work with two awesome ministries in a church i really do love despite it's flawed humanness. and while this year has been pretty dang hard, i can say that a lot of the good that i have is because of the bad that i've been through. the shadow proves the sunshine, right? and despite all the changes that happened this year, i can say for sure that there will be a lot more changes happening in my life in 2007. when i was taking down my christmas tree today i was wondering where i was going to be putting it up next year. will it be in san diego? will it be in california at all? only God knows that. it will be interesting to see where i'm at in a year. if you're reading this then it's probably because you've been a part of my life in 2006 and i hope that the one thing that stays the same in 2007 is that you'll still be a part of my life. thanks for hanging with me through the good and bad, the times i'm great and the times i'm emotionally ugly. i love you all so much. catch you on the flip side.

its christmas once again in san diego

i normally travel during the holidays, but this year, i stayed here in san diego. so about a month ago i decided to make the most of christmas in southern california, and truly appreciate just how unique it is to celebrate a winter holiday here. it seemed like a healthier alternative to complaining about the fact that i will never have a white christmas (or wet christmas, or cold christmas...) in my hometown. so here's to christmas in san diego...

i went running on the beach this morning in a t-shirt and shorts, and i got hot - i should have been wearing a tank top instead. the beach was kinda crowded with all the christmas day joggers, and there were a lot of surfers out too, including a guy dressed complete in a wetsuit and santa hat

last week, i saw a guy wearing shorts and sandals putting a christmas tree into his suv
it was kinda cold this morninng (somewhere in the 50s i think) and at the beach this morning i saw someone wearing winter clothes...shorts and a t-shirt, with uggs and a beanie. i actually have seen that same outfit on a ton of people just about everywhere i have been this month

most cities set record high temps today (it was in the 80s at my parents house)

the starbucks i went to yesterday made my drink iced because they had made so many iced drinks that day that they assumed that i would want my latte iced as well. i didn't actually, i didn't care if it was 70 something outside, it was christmas eve after all, so give me a hot drink people!

i think the biggest thing i noticed was that life in december seemed the same as any other month: sandals, shorts, tank tops and tans, driving with the windows open, and tourists everywhere. but throw in palm trees with christmas lights, iced peppermint mochas and sand in your uggs, and you've got the holidays in san diego. as much as i may not like it, i realized this year that i love it. it's home.

break up hair, christmas concerts, and being 12 and 2

the chargers are 12 and 2, and i have a feeling we're about to be 13 and 2. super bowl champs? most definitely.

i have break-up hair. you know the haircut you get after you've been dumped to show your former significant other that you're so over them. well, i wasn't dumped by a boy, but emotionally i have felt a little like i was dumped by, well, life i guess, so i got a hair cut. it was actually pretty awesome, my friend emili gave me a free hair cut because she's in her 4th month of hair school and practice makes perfect. so she practiced on me the night before i had to go to this christmas party a couple of weeks ago, and oh my goodness, i was the belle of the ball that night, and pretty much ever since. apparently the news of my amazing new hair spread quickly, and the subject of how great it looks even came up in some staff meeting at my church. break-up hair is working for me. it's been pretty fun, and i have felt four thousand times more confident ever since. mark got a haircut too, which means that the floodhigh staff looks pretty dang spectacular this christmas season. i love it. you can knock us down, but when we stand up again we're gonna look great. take that.

what a super fun day at church sunday...christmas concert with october inc in the morning and then with forestry at night. i loved juanita and the crew busting it out in the morning. they minister to me so dang much. and fof was awesome too. they did drummer boy again this year, and it was just...you can't describe it in words. its amazing. i was really thinking about the lyrics of the song last night as i was watching the boys perform it. i started thinking about how i feel like a little drummer boy most of the time. i really have nothing to offer God that is enough of a gift or a thank you for what He has given me. so i just bang my little drum...i do the ministry He has given me, i try to love people as He would and i try live in a way that glorifies Him. and really, i don't make a large impact on the world, and my song is no where near as loud as even one of those drummers was last night. but i just keep beating on my little tiny drum, praying that it brings a smile to the face of my Savior.

it's red cups at starbucks time. i love december.

i love the fall and winter. those are my seasons. i live for the cool weather, football, warm clothes, and sleeping under blankets. it strikes me as incredibly ironic that november and december have been two of the hardest, longest, months of my life. i have seen death, sickness, car trouble, pain, lonlieness, heartache, and shattered dreams, not only for me, but for so many of my friends too. and yet, in the midst of it, i know God is there, and i know He is doing something. i feel Him trying to heal my heart when i will let Him, giving me peace when i don't see why i should have it, and strength to go on when i feel about to fall apart. and i see Him doing some pretty amazing stuff, like having my upcoming rent increase mysteriously cancelled. how does something like that happen? only God could do it. and He has been cool enough to provide people with skin on for me too, to be the incarnation of Him, to love me through a hug or a listening ear when i have needed it. realistically, i am still struggling. i think i am suffering from mild depression, as evidenced by my almost constant state of melancholy, and my lack of desire to sleep or eat, at least anything but cookie dough. but i still cling to God. and i will still fight the fight He has given me, no matter how hard it is, and how much it may hurt. and i will continue to hope. it is december after all, and i really do love that month. and it rained last night. and my chargers are about to clinch their division. and God can do immeasurably more than all i can ask or imagine.

winter? what is this winter you speak of?

something strange greeted me in the early morning two times this week. it was this really cold, white stuff on my car. i believe it's called frost. such an interesting phenomenon. it's weird to see frost on your car when you live in san diego about a mile from the beach. i hear that there are places where that happens all the time, but ocean beach usually doesn't make that list. it has been crazy cold here though...it's in the upper 50s today. it's like the coldest day ever!

you've got to be kidding me

there's nothing like being without a car to make you feel like a kid again. and i've been without a car for maybe two hours. i had to have emili pick me up for our chips and salsa time and i have to have my parents pick me up for thanksgiving tomorrow since my car can't get into the shop until friday. i have to rely on other people for my rides? i feel like i'm 14 or something. it's so weird. it's amazing how hard it is to lose the freedom that comes with having a vehicle. so glad i don't have a normal day tomorrow though, cause i would probably be freaking out. yea for holidays!

one word challenge

You can only use one word...Not as easy as you may think.
1. Yourself: stretched
2. Your husband: unknown
3. Your hair?: natural
4. Your mother?: cheerleader
5. Your Father?: complicated
6. Your Favorite Item: phone
7. Your dream last night: nothing
8. Your Favorite drink: latte
9. Your Dream Car: works
10. The Room You Are In: office
12. Your fear: blood
13. What you want to be in 10 years: myself
14. Who you hung out with last night?: friends
15. What You're Not?: fake
16. Muffins: blueberry
17: One of Your Wish List Items: sleep
18: Time: lunch
19. The Last Thing You Did: type
20. What You Are Wearing: sweatshirt
21. Your Favorite Weather: rain
22. Your Favorite Book: bible
23. The Last Thing You Ate: yogurt
24. Your Life: transitioning
25. Your Mood: contemplative
26. Your body: tired
27. Who are you thinking about right now?: someone
29. What are you doing at the moment?: concentrating
30. Your summer: hot
31. Best part of your life: people

death and life, life and death, right next door to each other

seriously, is it really only wednesday? it's been the longest week ever. things have been pretty non-stop since last thursday, when my grandma died. i don't have living grandparents anymore. that's weird. family holidays just got even more boring, cause now there's no one around to tell us about her adventures in the cia or whatever other stuff she was making up at the moment. but overall, i've been strangely jealous of her - she's in the presence of God. i can't imagine that, but i dream of it sometimes. i'm so happy for her. she may have been difficult to live with, but she loved God. mom said she would sing "Jesus loves me" as my mom would push her around in her wheelchair, and that she would talk about God all the time during her last couple of years of life. of course, she usually just repeated the same stuff over and over again, so that's probably part of the reason she talked about anything all the time. but she was the first person in my family to accept Christ, and now she's with Him. that's truly amazing. i've also been amazed by the outpouring of love that i've received, almost every time i turn around, i'm getting cards or flowers or plants or phone calls or emails or something. i am incredibly blessed to have some really great people in my life, and i'm very thankful. it's weird to have your heart hurt because of one thing, and to have it feel so joyful and blessed at the same time. it's full of death and life right now. i couldn't figure it out if i tried.

things i am loving right now

dreyer's pumpkin ice cream
amy's organic frozen dinners
walks with linsey
cooler weather
tropical passion tea lattes from coffee bean
talking about blue like jazz with my growth group
watching 'hitch' over and over again
scrapbooking for prayer team
football
making dinner with friends
floodhigh
grey's anatomy
women's health magazine
wearing sweaters and sweatshirts
the smell of cinnamon and spice
dreaming
october inc
windows live mail