death and life, life and death, right next door to each other

seriously, is it really only wednesday? it's been the longest week ever. things have been pretty non-stop since last thursday, when my grandma died. i don't have living grandparents anymore. that's weird. family holidays just got even more boring, cause now there's no one around to tell us about her adventures in the cia or whatever other stuff she was making up at the moment. but overall, i've been strangely jealous of her - she's in the presence of God. i can't imagine that, but i dream of it sometimes. i'm so happy for her. she may have been difficult to live with, but she loved God. mom said she would sing "Jesus loves me" as my mom would push her around in her wheelchair, and that she would talk about God all the time during her last couple of years of life. of course, she usually just repeated the same stuff over and over again, so that's probably part of the reason she talked about anything all the time. but she was the first person in my family to accept Christ, and now she's with Him. that's truly amazing. i've also been amazed by the outpouring of love that i've received, almost every time i turn around, i'm getting cards or flowers or plants or phone calls or emails or something. i am incredibly blessed to have some really great people in my life, and i'm very thankful. it's weird to have your heart hurt because of one thing, and to have it feel so joyful and blessed at the same time. it's full of death and life right now. i couldn't figure it out if i tried.