it's red cups at starbucks time. i love december.

i love the fall and winter. those are my seasons. i live for the cool weather, football, warm clothes, and sleeping under blankets. it strikes me as incredibly ironic that november and december have been two of the hardest, longest, months of my life. i have seen death, sickness, car trouble, pain, lonlieness, heartache, and shattered dreams, not only for me, but for so many of my friends too. and yet, in the midst of it, i know God is there, and i know He is doing something. i feel Him trying to heal my heart when i will let Him, giving me peace when i don't see why i should have it, and strength to go on when i feel about to fall apart. and i see Him doing some pretty amazing stuff, like having my upcoming rent increase mysteriously cancelled. how does something like that happen? only God could do it. and He has been cool enough to provide people with skin on for me too, to be the incarnation of Him, to love me through a hug or a listening ear when i have needed it. realistically, i am still struggling. i think i am suffering from mild depression, as evidenced by my almost constant state of melancholy, and my lack of desire to sleep or eat, at least anything but cookie dough. but i still cling to God. and i will still fight the fight He has given me, no matter how hard it is, and how much it may hurt. and i will continue to hope. it is december after all, and i really do love that month. and it rained last night. and my chargers are about to clinch their division. and God can do immeasurably more than all i can ask or imagine.